Being completely transparent can be scary. But for the advancement of his kingdom and to bring him honor I believe we must be willing to accept any scary or embarrassing feelings that we may be feeling for much more Christ gave for us on the Cross.
So here's a quick view on my past; Girl meets boy at age 15 falls for boy. Boy moved away to California and contact between boy and girl ceases. Few years past and boy moved back to Oregon and meets girl again. Girl falls for boy again. Led by emotions and misguided preconceptions girl is now pregnant with boys child out of wedlock at age 20. Boy marries girl out of obligation and responsibility. (this is true)
So here's a quick view on my past; Girl meets boy at age 15 falls for boy. Boy moved away to California and contact between boy and girl ceases. Few years past and boy moved back to Oregon and meets girl again. Girl falls for boy again. Led by emotions and misguided preconceptions girl is now pregnant with boys child out of wedlock at age 20. Boy marries girl out of obligation and responsibility. (this is true)
Look happy right? Little did they know. Girl and boy find out five months into pregnancy they are having twins. Boy 19 girl 20. Babies are born, the family is forming and everything seems to be going well. Okay so here we go, three years into our marriage my husband presents me on May 21th 2010 with a DNA paternity result to let me know he has fathered another child with another girl. . . . . My world was shattered, I could not believe what I |
was reading or looking at. My heart began to beat fast, my eyes began to fill with tears, and I could feel an anger rising within. I was so hurt and so so confused. You see to me I thought that we were HAPPY and that we were in LOVE. We had what I thought was a perfect little family. And at that moment all I saw ruin, brokenness, and a mess. I had so many emotions going thru me I didn't know what I was feeling anymore. I wanted my best friend but he had failed me miserably. There was only one thing I knew at that moment, I was not giving up, and I was not going to turn my back and walk away, that would have been the easy way out. No one said it would be easy. I had some examples of marriage thru my parents and I was not going to follow those examples. The day I said I DO, I had in my heart truly made a commitment to my husband and most of all to GOD. I was determined to see this thru as long as my husband wanted to work as well. We immediately sought counseling, and a church to attend. We both had given our lives to Christ but where not active Christ followers. But we knew that we would not make it thru this if we did not come back and seek Christ thru it all. As you can imagine there were sleepless nights, A LOT of crying, depression, and pretending that everything was okay.
Later we had began to have visits with the baby and got to know her. My girls had a new sister, which was hard to adjust to, (for me) not them. A year past and it seemed we here getting things back on track. We felt as if we were slowly moving forward and making a new life with a new addition to the family. See this for me was a little easy we only saw her about twice a week for a few hours. I was okay with that.
A year later CPS comes knocking at our door asking for my husband, advising us that the child had been hurt and they needed to know if we would be able to take her in. My husband asked me if it was okay. Are you kidding me? She is not at fault for any of your sins or her mothers, of course she could be with us. Although this transition was very difficult for me. I now had found myself taking care of and raising this child that was not mine. At this point I had to really call to God to help me thru this and to give me grace, compassion, and a heart for her. We sought full custody of her and came thru victorious. Only with GOD. All this time I had kept all of this from some family, one being my big brother. See I had looked up to him, he was my hero, and his opinion mattered to me. I was scared to let him know all that had been transpiring in my life. So scared that I sent and email. (that was my cowardly way out)
All of these seasons of our marriage and my life, my husbands life took a really long time and a lot of prayer, and trust in the LORD that he was doing a work in our life. We did not know what it was at the time but it was all put into perspective, when I finally told my brother and in all his wisdom responded. And with his wise words I leave you;
First of all, I want to thank and praise God for drawing you and your family back to his arms. You guys had wavered (for a season) from the love of Christ and denied the faith bringing shame to the name of Christ and living as if you had never known the love and mercies of God. But God in all his love and faithfulness, bringing glory to His own name in your life, has drawn you back into His loving arms, demonstrating once again his love and plans for you and your family. For “in love he predestined us for adoption as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of His will, to the praise of His glorious grace, with which he has blessed us in the Beloved” (Eph. 1:3-6).
While you and Memo were out there living like heathens, we would pray to God to do whatever was necessary to bring you and your family back to the Truth, and now that you have been drawn back to Christ we continue to pray for you, “asking that you may be filled with the knowledge of His will in all spiritual wisdom and understanding, so as to walk (live) in a manner worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing to him, bearing fruit in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God. May you be strengthened with all power, according to his glorious might, for all endurance and patience with joy, giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in light. He has delivered us from the domain of darkness and transferred us to the kingdom of his beloved Son, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins” (Col. 1:9-14).
Although we had suspected something of the sort had transpired in your marriage, as mom requested that we pray for you and your family, we did not and do not agree with your decision in not having informed us of the situation. This is not due to us simply wanting to know all the drama and happenings of your life, if I am being honest, personally the less drama I know about others the better. None the less, you and your family are not just “others” you are family, our family, and keeping secrets of this degree do not bear fruits of “family.” We are to and should restore him who is in “any transgression… bearing one anothers burden and so fulfilling the law of Christ” (Ga. 6:1-2). We should be humbled enough to be transparent with one another; for we are all a work in progress and none of us have it together, no matter how “pretty” we look on the outside, all of us are desperately hopeless without the Gospel of Christ, His forgiveness for our sins, His righteousness credited to us and His continual faithfulness in our lives.
With this said, now I simply want to encourage you as your older brother in the flesh and in the faith. I praise God and commend you for your courage and trust in Him. This definitely was a devastating blow to your marriage and after experiencing such a hardship, most would have “ran far away and never looked back,” but you didn’t. This is commendable, for whether you know it or not, your marriage is a representation of the relationship and covenant that Christ has with His bride (the church, you and me). “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her” (Eph. 5:25); how many times have we been unfaithful to our groom, whoring around in the arms of idols by putting our trust, hope and faith in our money, spouse, children, and every other thing or person other than Christ, yet Jesus has not and will not divorce us and break His covenant between Him and his bride. What an awesome and loving Savior we serve! I am glad that you and Memo have mourned and repented over your sins, and have put your trust in who Jesus is and what Jesus has done on your behalf. I do pray and council you in this, that your main purpose in returning to Christ be not so that He fixes your marriage and give you this “picture perfect” home, but that your core purpose for running back to the Savior’s arms would be because you have truly repented and surrendered your life and the life of your family to the only One who can and does save. Come to Jesus for Jesus first, and the rest will be taken care of. “But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you” (Matt. 6:33). Let the Gospel of Christ be the center of your marriage, let the Gospel of Christ be the center of your parenting and love for all three of your children, let the Gospel of Christ be the center of your existence and not simply an accessory to your life. God is a jealous God, and he will not share His glory with another, He’s not a cute addition to your life, but the Savior and Redeemer of your soul; give Him his proper place.
I also praise God and applaud you and Memo for seeking to love and raise this child. God definitely has a purpose for that little girl’s life. She is not yet a year old and God has written the Gospel story in her life; Conceived in sin, abandoned and abused, rescued and loved, adopted and restored. This is your story, this is my story; broken and lost, but now “…received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, “Abba! Father!” The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs—heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, provided we suffer with him in order that we may also be glorified with him” (Rom. 8:15-17). Be aware of the privilege God has given you to demonstrate what He did for all of humanity, by what you and Memo are doing in the life of this baby. Praise God!
Now this is where it got a bit messy for me. I read your letter a few times. When I first read your letter, I did become even more angry and resentful towards Memo. But praise be to God, that as soon as those feelings rose up in me the Spirit of God rebuked me by bringing to memory "Let him who is without sin among you be the first to throw a stone…" (John 8:7). I repented and no longer judge nor criticize you or Memo. I have committed plenty sins of my own, in which sexual immorality is one of the many, and now I simply rejoice in the salvation of you and your family, continuing to pray that you would daily be strengthen in the love of Christ “until we all attain to the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to mature manhood, to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ” (Eph. 4:13).
You may notice that half of this letter is Scripture. This is not due to me being holy or religious, but simply because I have absolutely nothing of encouragement outside of Christ and his Word. I am totally hopeless, my marriage and children are totally hopeless without the Gospel of Jesus Christ being the center of our existence. Everything we are and have is solely because of Him.
We love you and your family. I am honored to be your older brother and privileged to have you as my little sister. I wait with anticipation to greet you and the family, as we are way overdue. Love you, appreciate you and praying for you.
P.S.
Beautiful song
With much love and humility, your big brother,
Later we had began to have visits with the baby and got to know her. My girls had a new sister, which was hard to adjust to, (for me) not them. A year past and it seemed we here getting things back on track. We felt as if we were slowly moving forward and making a new life with a new addition to the family. See this for me was a little easy we only saw her about twice a week for a few hours. I was okay with that.
A year later CPS comes knocking at our door asking for my husband, advising us that the child had been hurt and they needed to know if we would be able to take her in. My husband asked me if it was okay. Are you kidding me? She is not at fault for any of your sins or her mothers, of course she could be with us. Although this transition was very difficult for me. I now had found myself taking care of and raising this child that was not mine. At this point I had to really call to God to help me thru this and to give me grace, compassion, and a heart for her. We sought full custody of her and came thru victorious. Only with GOD. All this time I had kept all of this from some family, one being my big brother. See I had looked up to him, he was my hero, and his opinion mattered to me. I was scared to let him know all that had been transpiring in my life. So scared that I sent and email. (that was my cowardly way out)
All of these seasons of our marriage and my life, my husbands life took a really long time and a lot of prayer, and trust in the LORD that he was doing a work in our life. We did not know what it was at the time but it was all put into perspective, when I finally told my brother and in all his wisdom responded. And with his wise words I leave you;
First of all, I want to thank and praise God for drawing you and your family back to his arms. You guys had wavered (for a season) from the love of Christ and denied the faith bringing shame to the name of Christ and living as if you had never known the love and mercies of God. But God in all his love and faithfulness, bringing glory to His own name in your life, has drawn you back into His loving arms, demonstrating once again his love and plans for you and your family. For “in love he predestined us for adoption as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of His will, to the praise of His glorious grace, with which he has blessed us in the Beloved” (Eph. 1:3-6).
While you and Memo were out there living like heathens, we would pray to God to do whatever was necessary to bring you and your family back to the Truth, and now that you have been drawn back to Christ we continue to pray for you, “asking that you may be filled with the knowledge of His will in all spiritual wisdom and understanding, so as to walk (live) in a manner worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing to him, bearing fruit in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God. May you be strengthened with all power, according to his glorious might, for all endurance and patience with joy, giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in light. He has delivered us from the domain of darkness and transferred us to the kingdom of his beloved Son, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins” (Col. 1:9-14).
Although we had suspected something of the sort had transpired in your marriage, as mom requested that we pray for you and your family, we did not and do not agree with your decision in not having informed us of the situation. This is not due to us simply wanting to know all the drama and happenings of your life, if I am being honest, personally the less drama I know about others the better. None the less, you and your family are not just “others” you are family, our family, and keeping secrets of this degree do not bear fruits of “family.” We are to and should restore him who is in “any transgression… bearing one anothers burden and so fulfilling the law of Christ” (Ga. 6:1-2). We should be humbled enough to be transparent with one another; for we are all a work in progress and none of us have it together, no matter how “pretty” we look on the outside, all of us are desperately hopeless without the Gospel of Christ, His forgiveness for our sins, His righteousness credited to us and His continual faithfulness in our lives.
With this said, now I simply want to encourage you as your older brother in the flesh and in the faith. I praise God and commend you for your courage and trust in Him. This definitely was a devastating blow to your marriage and after experiencing such a hardship, most would have “ran far away and never looked back,” but you didn’t. This is commendable, for whether you know it or not, your marriage is a representation of the relationship and covenant that Christ has with His bride (the church, you and me). “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her” (Eph. 5:25); how many times have we been unfaithful to our groom, whoring around in the arms of idols by putting our trust, hope and faith in our money, spouse, children, and every other thing or person other than Christ, yet Jesus has not and will not divorce us and break His covenant between Him and his bride. What an awesome and loving Savior we serve! I am glad that you and Memo have mourned and repented over your sins, and have put your trust in who Jesus is and what Jesus has done on your behalf. I do pray and council you in this, that your main purpose in returning to Christ be not so that He fixes your marriage and give you this “picture perfect” home, but that your core purpose for running back to the Savior’s arms would be because you have truly repented and surrendered your life and the life of your family to the only One who can and does save. Come to Jesus for Jesus first, and the rest will be taken care of. “But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you” (Matt. 6:33). Let the Gospel of Christ be the center of your marriage, let the Gospel of Christ be the center of your parenting and love for all three of your children, let the Gospel of Christ be the center of your existence and not simply an accessory to your life. God is a jealous God, and he will not share His glory with another, He’s not a cute addition to your life, but the Savior and Redeemer of your soul; give Him his proper place.
I also praise God and applaud you and Memo for seeking to love and raise this child. God definitely has a purpose for that little girl’s life. She is not yet a year old and God has written the Gospel story in her life; Conceived in sin, abandoned and abused, rescued and loved, adopted and restored. This is your story, this is my story; broken and lost, but now “…received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, “Abba! Father!” The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs—heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, provided we suffer with him in order that we may also be glorified with him” (Rom. 8:15-17). Be aware of the privilege God has given you to demonstrate what He did for all of humanity, by what you and Memo are doing in the life of this baby. Praise God!
Now this is where it got a bit messy for me. I read your letter a few times. When I first read your letter, I did become even more angry and resentful towards Memo. But praise be to God, that as soon as those feelings rose up in me the Spirit of God rebuked me by bringing to memory "Let him who is without sin among you be the first to throw a stone…" (John 8:7). I repented and no longer judge nor criticize you or Memo. I have committed plenty sins of my own, in which sexual immorality is one of the many, and now I simply rejoice in the salvation of you and your family, continuing to pray that you would daily be strengthen in the love of Christ “until we all attain to the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to mature manhood, to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ” (Eph. 4:13).
You may notice that half of this letter is Scripture. This is not due to me being holy or religious, but simply because I have absolutely nothing of encouragement outside of Christ and his Word. I am totally hopeless, my marriage and children are totally hopeless without the Gospel of Jesus Christ being the center of our existence. Everything we are and have is solely because of Him.
We love you and your family. I am honored to be your older brother and privileged to have you as my little sister. I wait with anticipation to greet you and the family, as we are way overdue. Love you, appreciate you and praying for you.
P.S.
Beautiful song
With much love and humility, your big brother,